you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Randomize
