When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
