Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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