Ketchup is God's man juice
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
