i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
