Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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