Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
