And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
