spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
