Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
