that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize