Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
