the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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