I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize