would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
