So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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