That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
