im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sober January is a disaster.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
