Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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