If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did I show you my penis last night?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
