why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
