If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize