I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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