Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
