I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Everyone says I win the strip club
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
