I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
