i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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