So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my being single is dangerous.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
