well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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