Don't make out with my wife yet
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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