My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
