I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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