full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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