You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
