Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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