Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
