I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
