mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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