life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
