and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
