Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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