Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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