the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
