Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
