I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
