I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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