Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
