She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
