Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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