I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
