I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
