Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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