The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
