I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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