Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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