She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
