I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
