please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
