At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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