I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she pinky promised me she was 18
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
