i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
