just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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