shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
