I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
