Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I need water and some morals
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
