i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
