can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
