I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
