hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
