dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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