I love black thongs
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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