tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
