he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize