the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
