so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
